Why a constellation of stars?

One of my clients recently told me she loved the new website. She asked me why I talk about constellations of change? I thought I'd explain in case others out there are wondering the same thing!

There are two answers to that question, one is at it's most basic that we are all brilliant, we all have so much to offer and, according to an exhibition I saw many years ago in the National Museum of Scotland, we are actually all made of star dust! (I'm not a cosmologist so you'll have to do your own research on that one!).

Changemakers, catalysts for the future, like you, need to embrace your inner star quality. You need to know what makes you shine, what makes you unique and you need to let that show. To create a change you have to start from what's inside. You need to know the special aspects that are the most pure version of you. That's why I started a previous email with helping you to understand your values. It's also why a future post will help you to start to reflect on your strengths and experience. I'll help you find the things you can draw on to help you in your quest for change. Each person reading these emails or sharing them with another Changemaker is part of the constellation. That means you, you're part of the constellation, we need your light - let it shine like a diamond! Together we can also create a much brighter future, a more positive future and totally light up the world. (I feel a song lyric coming on but maybe that's one for a future post - playlist suggestions always welcome!)

The second answer to the question is more personal. I'll share it here because it's relevant and will help some of you to move beyond constraints that might be limiting your thinking.

When my first marriage ended I knew that I didn't want to keep my married name (Kirsty Baker). I also knew really clearly that I didn't want to 'go back' to my maiden name (Kirsty Martin). It simply didn't feel right for me to go backwards. I felt like I wasn't that same person any more, that I had evolved, and I wanted my name to reflect who I was in the here and now, and, even more importantly, who I was becoming.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the qualities I wanted to draw forward in myself. I thought about what was important to me. I got input and guidance from my coach at the time, as well as a fabulous group that I was doing a leadership programme with in North Carolina. (They're called the Zebra tribe and that's definitely a story for another day. For now let me just say that having spent four intense weeks in the mountains, and ten months together in phone and zoom connections, they are like my second family and probably always will be). Anyway, I digress, the point is, I dug deep to think about what mattered to me as I decided my new surname.

After lots of reflection I got into thinking about my two grandmothers, both of whom had by then passed away. Both were amazing Edinburgh women, both incredibly warm, both very strong in their own ways and both very different from each other.

My mum's mum, May spent time living in Africa, was known for being super welcoming and feeding you to within an inch of your life, and the most loving person I've ever known. My dad's mum, Eleanor, died when I was 15 so I never really had an adult relationship with her, but she was equally strong, worked through the Second World War, was deeply compassionate, and brave in standing up for what she believed in. You knew that she wouldn't take any nonsense, whilst caring deeply. They were both women I loved dearly and admired greatly.

I thought about taking their surnames, or their maiden names as my new name, and then I realised that the answer was right in front of me - my middle name. When I was born in 1977 I was the first grandchild on both sides. My parents were committed to fairness and equality and decided to give me a middle name which represented both of my grandmothers. Rather than give me both names, they made a new one by sticking them to gather. May + part of Eleanor = Maynor. As a teenager I hated it. You can imagine the stick I got for having such a 'weird' name. But here as an adult choosing a name that embodied what I was looking for it seemed like a gift. So Kirsty Maynor was born! I even got a new birth certificate when I registered my new name which was a bit unexpected!

I can hear you wondering where stars come into this? Well I then wondered if I wanted a middle name since I was taking my middle name and making it into a new surname. I was so used to having more than a first and surname I felt I wanted to have a new middle name too. In the early morning hours one day, sitting with jet lag in the dawn light in the retreat centre in the mountains in North Carolina, I was journalling and reflecting on what else I wanted to call forward in this phase of my life. The word 'Star' kept coming back over and over again, to the point where I couldn't ignore it. It seemed to capture what I was becoming aware of in myself (despite my self doubt) and also seemed to be something that would inspire other people. It was also kind of funky and I could envisage quite a cool signature. So, as part two, that was that. Kirsty Star Maynor was born. That's also part of the reason that I talk about constellations. We are all stars. We all bring light to the dark. We are all connected and part of something much bigger. We all need to keep on shining brightly.

I'm sharing this story because I want you to remember that you don't have to be constrained by assumptions, by limitations or traditions. You can chose to step away from the norms and expectations which might have defined or constrained you. You can make the choices that work for you, that free you, and that enable you to make change. A name change is a big one, but you can start anywhere. Notice what you might be conforming to that honestly doesn't serve you, and choose how you would like to proceed instead.

I'd love to hear your stories about shaking up the expectations! Are there are social norms that are getting in the way of the change you want to create? Let me know and then let's blast them to one side!