Creating space amid the chaos
When we’re under stress, we’re all guilty of jumping in and reacting to things in a knee-jerk way (*looks away sheepishly*). Our thoughts, words and actions matter, even if it’s sometimes easier said than done to find time to reflect and take control of our responses.
When life is chaotic, it’s so difficult to find space for yourself and your thoughts, to make time for reflection and - dare I say it? - mindfulness (don’t panic, we’ll get to that another time). Sometimes, it feels like there isn’t enough time in the day to even scratch your nose. I certainly get my fair share of days like that! But it’s exactly those times - when we’re squished between school runs and Zoom meetings and deadlines and shopping lists - that we’re in danger of reacting to a challenging stimulus in a negative way.
Perhaps this sounds familiar: you’re already late for work but so far you’ve only managed to put mascara on one eye; someone‘s shouting at you that there’s no milk in the fridge (you’re sure you bought some yesterday); the phone is ringing (why now, why?) and the cat’s in the process of coughing up a furball all over your lovely new IKEA rug. Okay, so maybe you don’t wear mascara, you’re a dog person, or your rug is from M&S Home. But you get the gist: at moments like this, it’s probably best - almost superhumanly challenging, but best - to keep your thoughts to yourself and take a moment to reflect before you react (because nobody likes to hear that kind of language first thing in the morning).
Of course, I’m making light of things. Feeling overwhelmed isn’t always about the trivial things in life like getting out of the house on time or keeping a well-stocked fridge). Sometimes, we’re dealing with much bigger things too. Things like divorce, loss, redundancy, financial worries, health problems... the list goes on.
But the power of creating space between a stimulus and our response to it is undeniable. That might mean:
Creating physical space: taking yourself to a quiet place where you have space to think, or write (even if that’s the garden shed)
Making time in your day: whether taking a mental break to unwind, or literally carving out some time in your diary for processing complicated or emotional issues (sometimes 15 minutes is enough) can create the space you need to make a decision calmly, instead of reacting in the heat of the moment
Summoning the courage to say ‘I don't have the answer right now, but I'll get back to you tomorrow’. Deferring your response until you’ve given yourself the space to reflect on how you feel and plan your reaction thoughtfully is a sign of strength, not weakness.
It can also be a great parenting tool: as a parent, I sometimes find myself reacting to something as soon as it happens, without taking time to reflect on it properly. But when I can give myself time to think things through and choose how I respond, the outcome is almost always better for everyone. Hopefully my daughter would agree!
Life is chaotic. Okay, not always, but often. Between the change that we create for ourselves, and the change that we don’t, carving out some space for ourselves - to think, reflect and plan - can make the difference between surviving and thriving.
Action requires reflection and insight. And living through change - whether you’re navigating difficult times, or simply ready to listen to your deepest dreams and bring them to life - means giving yourself the space you need to connect to your inner wisdom.
As Viktor Frankl so perfectly puts it:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Grow. Be free. And trust your inner wisdom when you find it.
