Why women shouldn’t edit themselves
“Just be yourself. Let the world see the real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful, magical person that you are.”
As women, we’re no strangers to editing ourselves physically in order to present what we consider to be the best - or at least an enhanced - version of ourselves to the world. Some of us wear make-up or change the colour of our hair or use the ‘touch-up’ option to present a more flattering, softer-focus version of ourselves on Zoom.
Enhancing our appearance in order to feel better about ourselves can provide a much-needed boost to our self confidence. What’s more, many studies have identified robust links between self-esteem and positive physical and mental health outcomes. But this tendency to ‘edit’ ourselves can be problematic when it goes beyond our physical appearance and spills over into other aspects of our lives.
As a coach, I’ve worked with many women during my career and one of the things that has stood out over the years is the tendency we have to edit our dreams and ambitions, instead of grabbing the bull by the horns and being the bold, innovative, real - and imperfect - individuals we were born to be. Even when we know what we want, we tend to doubt ourselves, question our abilities and hold ourselves back, editing - and undermining - ourselves by saying, ‘I shouldn’t’, ‘I can’t’, or ‘it’s silly’, before we’ve even started. More than once, I’ve worked with clients who’ve said, ‘this is gonna sound crazy, but…’. It’s almost certainly not crazy! In fact, in my experience, it’s usually the crazy ideas that turn out to be the most brilliant.
Let’s start by reminding ourselves, and each other that:
It’s okay to have big, crazy-sounding dreams
It’s normal to struggle to speak up, but we shouldn’t let that stop us!
We should absolutely be wearing fluffy slippers to Zoom meetings, if that’s what we feel like doing
We should never avoid asking for what we need
Most of us feel self-doubt on a daily basis, and
We all have more questions than answers
So, what does all this mean? I think it’s telling us that as women, we need to start listening to what we want, and stop spending so much time editing ourselves to please other people. To do this, we have to start by asking the question, ‘what do I really want?’. Say it out loud if it helps, or even write it down. There are loads of different ways to access the knowledge that we have inside. The most important thing is to trust that, deep down, we do know what we want, whether that’s qualifying as a yoga teacher, training for a marathon, learning to play the guitar, going to medical school or entering the next series of Great British Bake Off.
The take-away? Let’s get better at listening to our own instincts and stop editing our hopes, goals, dreams and ambitions. Because with a bit of focus, we can turn our wildest dreams into reality, and achieve the impossible.
