Why it’s important to be curious
I recently received a text from a coaching client of mine, which read: “I've arrived at the kitchen sink”. I smiled to myself and simply responded, “Good luck!”. 15 years ago, I did my coach certification training with the Coaches Training Institute, and my client is currently doing the same training. It was (and still is) a fantastic course, because it focuses on experiential and practical training, rather than being overly academic, an approach which I valued highly at the time and continue to adopt in my own work to this day.
One of the practical exercises that participants are required to complete as part of the programme is to examine the contents of the cupboard under the kitchen sink; simply to observe them, not to change, rearrange, tidy, remove or fix anything in any way. As I remember it, we had to do this task for a full hour (I’ve since been told that the time limit is now 15 minutes, but whether this has been changed or I’ve mis-remembered it, I don’t know - perhaps it just felt like an hour!). In any case, what seemed like a fairly dull exercise actually turned into something pretty transformative in terms of my personal and professional development.
When I did the exercise, I remember finding myself desperate to tidy things up, rearrange bottles and get rid of things that didn't belong there. But I forced myself to try to stay curious, and to notice when I was making judgments about what I saw, even though it made me feel guilty:
Kitchen towel (when I know cloths are better for the environment, they’re just not as easy)
A food waste bin that always needs to be emptied
My latest attempt at eco-friendly cleaning - which also needs to be refilled!
What can I say? It’s the life of a busy, working single mum (who’s got her first book coming out this year) represented in one single cupboard.
Yes, it was a frustrating experience because I felt like I wasn't in control, but after a while I began to notice my own responses, which made it easier to stay in that space of curiosity and simply observe what was in front of me. And believe me, in order to stay curious whilst staring at the contents of the cupboard under your kitchen sink, you need to dig pretty deep!
As you might have guessed, the object of the exercise - to encourage participants to practise curiosity about what’s in front of them, whilst trying not to judge or get wound up by it - is a vital skill in coaching. It can be pretty challenging at times, but staying curious, open-minded and non-judgemental about other people’s journeys, experiences, goals and dreams is something that I’ve learned as a facilitator of Dare to Lead. Today, not only do I teach this skill to other leaders, it’s also something that I try to apply in my own professional and personal relationships; I’m now much better at observing when I’m falling into judgement, and I’m able to get curious about my own emotional reaction to a situation, as well as what's happening for the other person.
I like to think of curiosity as a muscle, and just like any other muscle in our body, we need to regularly stretch, build and strengthen it if we want to be the best version of ourselves. Right now, I’m curious to know how my coaching client got on after she arrived at the kitchen sink. If you’re keen to practise curiosity too, then why not try this exercise at home? You might be surprised by what you find out about yourself in the process.
