Why I don’t make resolutions
At this time of the year, millions of people around the world make resolutions to be a better version of themselves. The inherent implication is that they weren't good enough last year. That right there is a statement that is likely to induce shame, the feeling of not being good enough, not worthy of love and belonging. (Brene Brown)
So I no longer make New Year's resolutions.
But I do believe in living intentionally, and I do believe in goal setting. I’m committed to making plans. So how do I reconcile the two? I set an intention for the year, a theme, a way I want to live my life, a heading or a category or overarching topic for how I want to live my life. And I set goals usually two or three big goals that I can achieve within a roughly 12 months period. Yes, I could do that anytime of the year. But the first of January, or the first week of January, pick even January at some point, acts as a useful reminder of the changing of seasons and the passage of time.
I also review them at the point in the year when schools go back, around September, when it seems also natural to be taking stock and reflecting on accomplishments and dreams yet unloved. Past themes for the year have included integrate, joy or even the year of me. This year my theme is nourish.
Each year I choose something that will act as a container for life. Not to constrain me or restrict me, but more to hold things in like a bowl to put all the contents of everything in my year into and know that they'll stay connected.
So if you'd like to choose a theme for 2022 and set some goals to go alongside it, here are some ways to start:
Ask yourself what do you want more of this year?
What would make this year more fulfilling for you?
What would make you feel more alive?
You can already see that through those questions the answer is unlikely to be that you want to lose 10 pounds or you want to start eating more celery in the morning. You might still choose to do those things. But you'll do them as part of an overarching theme of vitality for example, or zest, rather than because you think the scales need to show a certain number when you stand on them in the morning.
Other ways are to think of a theme or to think of imagery that comes to mind. Imagine yourself at the end of the year looking back and describing the kind of year you've had.
What do you want to turn back and look and say? Maybe you want to feel like it was an exhilarating year. Do you want to look back and say it was peaceful? Perhaps you want to look back and say it was a year of growth.
However you want to feel when you look back on 2022 gives you some ideas of the kinds of themes that you might pick for this year.
And then yes, set goals make plans, put them in your calendar, but do so in a way that has them connected to a much bigger purpose, a much bigger aim.
