How do you handle the shades of grey?
Black and white are easy, but how do you handle the shades of grey?
We live, as they say, in interesting times. When I started my 2020 commitment to write, I had no idea that I would end up writing during a global pandemic. And here we are, at the early stages of a period in history where the choices we make will define what happens next - where the micro affects the macro (as of course it always does, but perhaps just now that effect is more visible). Where we, as ordinary citizens can and do make choices that affect others and where the decisions made by leaders in all walks of life have the potential to change our future - for better or for worse. And, it seems, there are no right answers. Because decision-making is an imperfect science. Yes, it’s easy to make a decision when the options are are clearly black and white, yes and no, wrong and right. But that’s not the kind of decisions we are faced with right now. Instead we face the questions which are more like ‘When, how, what…?’ And the one above all laden with moral imperative - ‘should I?’
For these are the times when we each have to make choices - for my parents over the weekend, when should they start to socially isolate themselves to keep themselves safe from infection (knowing that this is like to be a long-term action). For my clients making decisions about when and how to effect school closures. For my partner how to plan for the loss of income he will face over the coming weeks and months.
And so it goes on - the decision whether to buy the extra packet of painkillers which I know we’ll need to regulate our temperatures if we all get sick, but where I also know that if I buy them, there might not be enough left for others who have a greater need. And in all these cases, we don’t have perfect knowledge, so we cannot reach a perfect decision. We can only do the best with what we know. And what I can see emerging is a division where some people are making decisions based on fear, and others are making decisions based on their core values. It’’s not that those who are making decisions based on fear don’t have good values, they just aren’t able to access them right now because the fear of the unknown is too great. Ultimately it is the fear of a threat to their very existence. So we see crazy things, we see people criticising government and organisations (which is of course a criticism of the people in those organisations). We ultimately see people criticising and judging other people - for doing this or for not doing that. Because the bottom line is we are scared and we revert to trying to create distance between us and the things we’re afraid of.
But there is hope. I am also seeing people who are able to feel the fear but not let it hijack them. See people who are tapping into their core values and who are taking action from that place. Today I’ve seen someone who’s created a ‘Quarantine Playlist’ (songs include ‘Don’t stand so close to me’ and ‘It’s the end of the world as we know it’ among other irreverent choices!). I’ve seen someone set up a volunteer coordination group online to get help to those who need it and I’ve seen videos of the community singing that’s been taking place in Italy to keep spirits high. I’ve also seen a children’s author say he’ll start reading one of his books daily online, I’ve seen parents share their thinking about homeschooling routines and an illustrator who’s created free downloadable colouring in sheets. There is no doubt that each of these people is also feeling scared, wondering what they can possibly do in such times, but they are managing to tap into their values and their core strengths and use the talents they have to help other people. Now, more than ever before, we need to each use the skills we’ve got and, as Brené Brown says ‘contribute more than we criticise’ for the sake of creating a better future.
If you don’t know what your core values are, have a look at this list here and think about the two values driving you when you were in a difficult situation or in a memorable moment, that will give you a great start!
