Riding the waves of change
My daughter Scarlet recently turned 18, which is a pretty important milestone - not just for her but also for me. I am now officially the parent of an adult child!
This milestone got me thinking about when I was pregnant. Back then, nothing in the world could have prepared me for becoming a parent and in some ways, this hasn’t changed. Scarlet may be 18 and off to university, but yet again I feel as though nothing - and no-one - could prepare her (or me) for the road ahead. We both have to navigate our own journeys through these waves of change, because we have no idea how it will look and feel for either of us. Nobody can tell Scarlet how to make sure her transition to uni is a smooth one, and nobody can tell me how to survive becoming an “empty nester”!
Of course, that’s almost always the case when we’re facing significant change in our lives, whether it’s change we’ve chosen or change that’s been thrust upon us. We can’t always prepare for what’s ahead, even with learning through books, blogs and in-person coaches; as the answers are usually very personal and any kind of learning usually serves you best when used as a guide.
One of the most important things that living through change has taught me, is that it’s worth taking time to focus on identifying what really matters. Because unless we do that, we run the risk of getting caught up in the unimportant details of the change. By working out what really matters, then we give ourselves the opportunity to live more intentionally, by deciding how we want the change to look for us.
There are several ways of doing that. In my daughter’s case, she found it helpful to look at the practical steps she could take to make the transition easier. One of the ways she did this was by bulk-buying fluffy socks, because she finds them cosy and comforting. For me, I knew that I needed to look at what was going on in my life surrounding that period of change, so I could make sure I didn’t put myself under too much pressure. This meant accepting that I don’t know how I’m going to feel, and giving myself permission to block out my work calendar the week after my daughter heads to uni.
I’ve also made sure to give myself a lighter workload in the run-up to her leaving, because it’s important for me to be there if she needs me. Maybe we’ll go for brunch, coffee, or just spend lots of time chatting during that week. Maybe she won’t need me at all. But I want to be there for her, just in case.
Taking a moment to focus on what really matters is something that can help us through these difficult transitions. If you’re facing significant change in your life, then start by giving yourself a little time and space to identify what you can control and what really matters. Once you’ve done that, give yourself permission to act with intention. Whether that means buying fluffy socks in bulk, blocking out your work calendar, or taking time out each day to centre yourself with a walk in nature, make the transition smoother in whatever way possible by controlling what you can.
For more advice on how to cope with change then visit my blog, or subscribe to my weekly newsletter for regular tips.
