Change can look however we want it to
My daughter Scarlet is set to start university in September, which is the beginning of a new chapter in her life. Of course I’m excited for her, but I know that it’s going to be a big change for me too, so I’ll be taking some time to focus on how I want this change to look for me.
Change comes in all shapes and sizes and the way that we choose to live through it is very personal and individual. Change doesn’t have to look a certain way; as a mentor of mine recently reminded me, “there’s more than one way to be right”.
There are so many assumptions and misconceptions around how we think change should look, and how we think other people expect us to react in certain situations. But trying to conform to those expectations can be really unhelpful. If, like me, you’re in midlife, then now is the time to free yourself from the constraints of other peoples’ expectations - many of which don’t even exist (we just think they do!) - and start doing things the way you want to do them. It is so liberating! There’s no right or wrong way to live through change. What’s important is to work out what’s right for you, and stay true to that path.
Whatever change you’re living through right now - whether it’s change you’ve chosen or change you haven’t - then try asking yourself the following questions:
What do I really want?
How do I want to live my life?
What do I need to give myself permission for, in order to get there?
If things could look different, how would I want them to look?
Whatever change you’re facing at the moment, think about what shape you want it to take for you.
I’m not yet entirely sure how my daughter leaving for uni will affect me, or what impact it will have on my identity and sense of self. So I’m going to take some time to think about how I want this next chapter of my life to look for me. One thing is certain: I plan on liberating myself from the constraints of other peoples’ expectations about how I should feel or react, so that I can work out the right way for me to lean into this change.
Whatever change you’re going through at the moment, I encourage you to do the same. In life, change hardly ever looks and feels the way you expect it to, which is why it’s so important to work out what you really want, then find your own path and do what works for you.
And remember, “there’s more than one way to be right”.
My new book ‘Untangled’ - which is full of helpful tips and advice on how to live through change - will be hitting bookshelves at the end of November, but why not give yourself a head start and start thinking about what really matters to you now. You can also check out my blog for more tips on coping with change, whatever life throws at you.
