Being brave doesn’t mean being fearless

Earlier this month, I had my second surgery on my scalp. If you read my blog Embracing self-compassion during recovery, you’ll know that the first surgery back in August took more out of me than I expected - physically and emotionally. I went into this one feeling a little more prepared, but also with the knowledge that recovery isn’t just about healing the body … it’s about tending to the mind, too.

This time, I’ve been thinking a lot about fear. Not in the abstract, but in the very real, tearful, heart-pounding way it shows up when you’re about to do something that terrifies you, even if you know it’s the right thing to do. So I wanted to share a few reflections on what this experience has reminded me about bravery, fear, and what it means to keep going anyway.

Being brave vs fearless.

We often hear people talk about bravery as if it means the absence of fear. But in my experience, it’s rarely like that. Life is scary sometimes. And not just in the imagined, worst-case-scenario kind of way. Some things are genuinely frightening. Others feel terrifying because of past experiences or deep-seated phobias; and when fear shows up, it doesn’t mean we’ve done something wrong, it just means we’re human.

Facing fear doesn’t mean it disappears.

If you’ve been following me on Instagram for a while, you might know I have a severe needle phobia. Despite having done the work (hypnotherapy, exposure therapy, trauma support) the fear is still very real. And as I prepared for surgery, I was scared. Not a little jittery, properly scared. I cried, on and off, for hours before they wheeled me into the anaesthetic room and I felt ashamed of my reaction, especially seeing how calm others seemed around me.

I found myself torn between two voices in my head: one full of fear and the other quietly rational, pointing out that I was safe, that I had a brilliant team around me (including my incredible daughter), and that everything was going to be okay.

I got the surgery. Not because I stopped being scared, but because I knew it mattered.

Fear doesn’t have to call the shots.

This latest surgery was less about choice and more about necessity, following the results of my last procedure, and I know not everyone feels able to take action in the face of fear. I have no judgement for that, but I also want to gently remind you that fear doesn’t have to be the thing that stops you.

You don’t have to be fearless to be brave. I am the furthest thing from fearless and I am brave, because when it really counts, I don’t let fear win.

Even though the surgery was tough emotionally and physically, I did it. And I’m proud of that! I’m still processing the experience, still recovering, still reminding myself that I’m safe and that I made the right decision. I did the hard thing, and I know I’ll be better for it in the long run.

It’s okay to be scared - and do it anyway.

If there’s something in your life right now that feels scary, whether it’s having a difficult conversation, applying for a job, going to the doctor, or setting a boundary, you’re not alone. You don’t need to wait until the fear is gone. Because fear isn’t always a sign to stop. Sometimes it’s just something we need to carry with us as we take the next step.

Being scared doesn’t mean you’re not capable and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re weak.

You can feel the fear. You can cry. You can question everything. And still, you can take the steps you need to take.

I promise you, being scared and doing it anyway is one of the bravest things you can do.

Whatever you're facing today  - go gently. You’re braver than you think.