How sharing vulnerability and trust has made me a better coach
I am so lucky to have been one of fewer than 20 people in the UK who have studied with Brené Brown to become a facilitator of her work. During the time I spent training with her in London five or six years ago I learned so much, and I’ve continued to learn ever since, through teaching the programmes myself.
Perhaps the single most important thing I’ve learned is that we all share the same fears and concerns. All of the worries - big and small - that we get caught up in and that swirl around inside our heads, they’re the same for everyone. We all worry about looking stupid if we push ourselves forward; we all share the same concerns about asking questions in a meeting; we all find it difficult to ask for what we want because we’re scared that we’ll be rejected; we all, ultimately, want to connect with other human beings.
As a facilitator, one of the implications of knowing that we’re all worried about the same things is that it encourages me to share more of my own stories. I’ve come to realise that sharing things from my own life and experiences, even when it feels uncomfortable, helps my clients to see that they’re not alone - that deep down, we’re all the same.
Over the years, I’ve found it really difficult to let my clients see enough of me, particularly in a coaching relationship, because the focus is on them. But although it can be hard, I know it’s essential to open up and share my own experiences, because that’s how trust is developed. My clients need to know who the person sitting next to them is, and why they should open up to me and trust me.
Sharing things about my background, my own stories and experience has helped me to build more trust with my clients, opening the doors to a deeper level of connection which is vital in a coaching relationship. Obviously it’s also important to set certain boundaries around that (and important for me to do the work with my coach too), but the more you can allow yourself to be real, authentic and true to yourself, the better.
Ultimately, sharing aspects of myself fosters trust between me and the clients I work with, which in turn makes it easier for me to help them develop the courage and confidence they need to put themselves forward, speak up and allow themselves to be seen.
The common humanity that connects us all is so powerful, and I have a deeper appreciation for it now. I’m glad that my training and experience has taught me the benefit of shared vulnerability and trust, because I know that I’m a better coach for it.
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”
With more than 25 years’ training experience, I’m also certified as a facilitator of Dare to Lead™, Daring Greatly and Rising Strong. Get in touch if you’d like to find out more about my coaching or workshops.
