Five Tips to Handle Overwhelm
OVERWHELM Definition: Too much, or almost too much, for you to manage
I imagine that most people reading this will have experienced a sense of overwhelm at some point in their lives. Life can sometimes hand us a set of circumstances that leave us feeling like maybe we can’t cope. Perhaps you’ve been able to cope with the challenges of the pandemic, changes to your home life and your children’s education. And then a relative gets sick, the car breaks down or you find out that your home needs some major repairs. At times like these we can all start to question our own ability to keep going. Simply finding a way forward can sometimes seem impossible.
I’ve been there. At several times in my life I have had major feelings of overwhelm. I’ve had times when my business has been challenging, parenting as a single parent was tough and anything else added into the mix felt like it would cause me to drown. Many years ago, around the time when my marriage ended, my mum ended up in hospital with a ruptured appendix. Life felt pretty overwhelming! I’ve also had the more minor, short-term version where things just feel like it’s all a bit much. Times when school-life was busy for my daughter, my work life was hectic, friends and family needed extra support and it felt like there wasn’t any more room in the day. We all have times like that. It’s how we handle them that can help us to keep going and also help to resource us more for the future.
Here are five tips to help you when you feel like it all feels too much, or almost too much, for you to manage:
TIP 1: Recognise how you’re feeling
It can be too tempting to keep going. I have often told myself I ‘just’ needed to get through this, that or the other thing. In reality as soon as I stop and actually name what’s going on, there is a sense of realism. Write it down or share it with a trusted friend, put words to the feelings that are going on for you.
TIP 2. Take a mini break - even ten minutes can help
It’s a cliché but you can’t pour from an empty cup. Make yourself a cup of coffee, go for a walk, cuddle a cat or just sit with a candle lit for ten minutes. Focus on your breathing to help re-regulate your nervous system and bring back a little sense of control. There’s a lot of science behind this which I’ll maybe cover in another post. For today, let’s keep it practical. And if you need longer, don’t be afraid to take time off work if you really need to.
TIP 3. Write down what’s going on
You might do this as a list of all the things that are putting pressure on you, and then use the 4Ds technique to help you work out what you can do about them (Do, Dump, Delegate or Defer). You can also mark on the list what you can control and what you can’t. Often the feeling of overwhelm comes from feeling out of control so it can help to focus on what you can take control of.
TIP 4. Use permission slips to free yourself up
Writing down permission slips will help you to be more compassionate towards yourself. You might want to give yourself permission to get an early night, to ask someone else to help your kids with their homework, or to say no to something that someone else has asked you to do.
TIP 5. Ask for help where you need to
We can tell ourselves that help is a four letter word. It’s actually a huge sign of strength. You do not have to be a superhuman. You are allowed to ask for help - in fact, most of the time, people like to be asked to help. Think of five tiny things that others can do to help you and then start asking them. And if you’re finding it hard to think of ways that people can help you, ask a friend to help you think of things!
BONUS TIP:
Seek out the help of a professional if you need to
If you are facing significant overwhelm and it is affecting your mental health or has been ongoing for a period of time, please do reach out for professional help. There are suitably trained and experienced therapists, psychologists and counsellors who are there to help you. You do not have to face challenges in life alone. In the UK visit https://www.bacp.co.uk to find an accredited person to help you.
