Being a single parent in the workplace
As a single parent to an 18 year-old daughter, I’m used to juggling the dual responsibilities of a career and motherhood. And even though my daughter has just started university, I’m still doing it to a certain extent.
My husband and I separated when my daughter was very young, and back then I had no roadmap for being a full-time working parent. In fact, I still don’t! But I have come to understand the importance of communicating my professional needs to employers and colleagues.
Being a single parent isn’t something that’s often talked about in the workplace, but when it is, it usually comes with a lot of assumptions, many of which aren’t at all helpful. Some of the common assumptions made about single parents in the workplace include:
Parenting is a constant, steady state and once arrangements are made, they won’t change:
In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. As parents, we’re constantly adjusting to new situations, which means the working environment needs to be flexible to accommodate this.
You can flex with no notice, even as a single parent:
When we’re in a long-term steady state relationship and co-parenting, there’s a lot more room for adaptability, but single parents have very little fluidity, especially at short notice. Changes to the status quo can be very challenging, particularly if the relationship between co-parents isn’t an easy one, which can add pressure for solo working parents.
We need all the information in order to support single parents in the workplace:
Yes, single parents face unique challenges and difficulties, and yes, it’s important to start a conversation about that. However, it’s also important to remember that we don’t owe anyone our story. Boundaries are still really important, and employers and colleagues don’t need to know all the details in order to provide professional support.
In order for employers and colleagues to avoid making incorrect assumptions about single parents in the workplace, it’s important to:
Stay curious:
Ask questions out of genuine curiosity - without being nosey - in order to understand where someone is at and what support they need.
Single parents aren’t perfect:
If you’re a single parent in the workplace, then trying to present yourself as someone who has everything under control probably won’t help you. I remember times when it felt like I was white water rafting through parenting, and at times like those it’s important to reach out to someone who can provide the support you need.
Providing support and ‘checking in’
Once you acknowledge that vulnerability, seek out people that you can trust and lean into when things are challenging, because everybody needs that support person.
Stop hiding
Many single, solo and co-parents feel like they have to hide parts of themselves in the workplace. But it’s natural and it’s okay if we don’t reveal everything. Find someone that you can start to build trust with and share more; you are the one who owns your story.
My new book, Untangled: a practical and inspirational guide to change we choose and change we don’t, is full of personal stories from my own life, as well as helpful tools and resources for navigating change. Visit the Untangled website for more information, or to order your copy.
