How to cope when things don’t go according to plan
We all face change in our lives - both the kind we choose and the kind we don’t - and unwanted change can leave us confused, angry and unsure about the future. Things don’t always go according to plan, and even when we choose change and embark on a new plan, project or take a new direction, we don’t always succeed in the way we think we should have.
One of the best ways to make sure you’re equipped to flex when things don’t go your way - and ride the waves of change, however big, scary and unpredictable they may be - is to learn how to get comfortable with the idea of failure. Once you do, it will be much easier to release yourself from current patterns and behaviours that might not be working for you, so that you can decide what comes next with clarity and purpose.
Here are some tips and strategies for coping with change, even when things don’t go according to plan:
1. Don’t panic!
Take some time to pause and acknowledge the hurt, disappointment and upset that you’ve experienced. Honour those feelings, even if they suck, because doing so will put you back in the driving seat and help you decide what comes next.
2. Let go of the past
Letting go of whatever happened in the past is an important part of moving on, although it’s not always easy to do. Once you’ve given yourself time to process your feelings, don’t let yourself get stuck in negative patterns of thought or behaviour. Redesign what needs to be different around what will work for you in the future.
3. Reconnect with what matters
Whatever change you’re living through, it will help if you reconnect with what’s important in your life. That could mean spending quality time with loved ones, or reminding yourself of your goals and future plans. Think about what’s really important to you (journalling will help!), and reconnect with those feelings and goals.
4. Look at what has worked
Although it’s useful to give yourself time to reflect and understand your emotions, it doesn’t help to dwell on the negative aspects of change for too long. Instead, try to focus on what is working, what you do well, and what you can build on. It might be hard at first, especially if you’re living through a difficult change which you haven’t chosen, but focusing on the positive aspects is an important part of the picture. Remember - failing at something doesn’t make you a failure. It’s just part of a bigger picture, and it doesn’t define you.
5. Pick yourself up - but not too quickly!
Every time you’re faced with change you haven’t chosen, or something you did choose didn’t work out the way you thought it would, you’re equipping yourself with valuable skills for the future. The next time you’re faced with change or something didn’t go according to plan, you’ll pick yourself up more easily and more quickly. But don’t try to learn from your “failures” straight away. Give yourself time to find the lesson; later on, you’ll be able to reflect on what happened with more self-compassion (and possibly even a little humour), so don’t try to work it all out straight away.
When you’re living through any kind of change, there are always going to be waves - small ones, big ones, even gigantic ones which feel overwhelming. You can’t change that, but you can get better at riding them!
My new book, Untangled, looks closely at how to cope with the kind of changes life throws at you. It’s full of stories, insights and useful tips which you can use to improve the way you respond to change in your own life, and strategies for how to keep moving forward when things don’t go your way. For more information and access to a range of free resources, visit Untangledbook.com.
