Why is it hard to ask for help?
It’s early morning. A new place. I climb out of bed, my muscles still confused by the day before, unfamiliar with sitting still for so long. Making my way to the bathroom I try to remember what day it is, orienting myself to the time and place. Lights on, starting to wake up now. It’s showertime. I turn the dial. Nothing. I twist it the other way. Nothing. I look all around, searching the cubicle for some other switch. There are no other switches. How the heck do I get the shower on? It can’t be that complicated. I turn the temperature dial, just in case. Logic tells me it doesn’t make the water start, but it’s got to be worth a try. Still not a drop. I’m frustrated now. I just want a shower. Why on earth can’t I work it out? I should be able to get a shower to start for goodness’ sake! Nope. It’s not happening.
Finally, giving in, I pad back through to the bedroom and reach for the phone. Hotel reception. I’m sure they must be able to help. Though I really hope they don’t have to send someone to the room to show me. It’s still way to early in the morning for this.-
“Hi, good morning. How do I work the shower?”
“You just pull it”
“The bottom dial?”
“Mmm-hmm. Yes ma’am”
You just pull it. The one thing I wouldn’t have tried in case I broke the shower, pulling the dial off the wall. Back into the shower, pull the dial. Shower on. All good.
Why is it so hard to ask for help?
Why, for something so simple did it take me far too long to actually just pick up the phone to someone who would have the answer? I will not have been the first person to do so. In fact I’m surprised they don’t have instructions in the bathroom - but then, covid has taken away some of those life assistance notes. What stopped me from asking for help?
The answer is simple, but knowing it doesn’t always make a difference. I still find it really hard to ask for help, and even harder to receive it. Like so many people I get caught up in the stories that I tell myself about what I should and shouldn’t be able to do by myself. I tangle myself in the web of myths in my mind, ensnared by the fears of what people will think and what it will say about me if I don’t do it myself. We stop ourselves from asking for help because we think we should be able to do it alone and we worry about what people think of us. Ultimately it’s shame that stops us - the fear of not being good enough.
But this was a shower. Nobody thought anything about me. It said nothing, other than that I hadn’t been in that hotel room or used that shower before. I didn’t know how to turn the shower on. End of story. There was someone who did. I asked her and she helped me. Arguably it was also a gift to her because she was able to help. My question was easy, she may have felt glad she was of assistance.
So the next time you find yourself struggling or challenged, reach out and ask for help. Chances are that someone out there has the answer, or at least is wiling to listen to you in your struggle. You don’t have to do this alone.
