Why ‘being’ is just as important as ‘doing’
“I am a human being, not a human doing.”
My daughter recently started her degree studies and moved into student accommodation, so I now officially have an empty nest! Having the house to myself - apart from the cat and the dog of course - has given me time to reflect on the changes that are happening in my life.
Whenever we’re faced with significant change in life - whether it’s change we’ve chosen or change we haven’t - it’s important to get the balance right between ‘being’ and ‘doing’. It’s something that’s a lifelong lesson for me, because I usually gravitate towards the ‘doing’; it’s my default strategy and I know I’m not alone, but it’s something I’m very conscious of. Between running a successful and growing business and spending time with friends and family, I have a very full life. But whenever I’m going through a difficult time, it can be a little bit too full-on; sometimes I’m in danger of keeping myself so busy that I don’t give myself the space I need to process what’s happening in my life, prioritise self-care and just… ‘be’.
We tend to undervalue those times when we’re not actively doing something, but it’s really important to give ourselves the time - and mental space - we need to sift and sort through what’s happening in our lives. Not just when we’re on holiday, but on a regular basis. We’re all going through something right now, so I’d like to invite you to make some space in your life to simply ‘be’. As a serial ‘doer’, I know that’s easier said than done, so why not try one of the following:
Go out for a walk - preferably in nature if there’s somewhere close by, but if not then try just walking around your local area; there’s beauty and interest to be found in any environment and it will give you a chance to be alone with your thoughts and feelings.
Sit quietly with a cup of tea - and maybe a traybake! This is one of my favourite ways to unwind and give myself the chance to process what’s going on in my life.
Practise a hobby or activity you enjoy - this could include playing a musical instrument (I’m currently learning the guitar), but I also enjoy crochet, or just snuggling under a blanket with a good book.
Take a long bath - scented candles and bubble bath are optional but highly recommended.
I’ve talked about this many times before (check out my blog on why it’s important to switch off from the everyday hustle and bustle of life). Whatever form it takes for you, give yourself a moment (preferably more) to simply relax and ‘be’; whether that means taking some extra time to stop and smell the shower gel during your morning routine, or practising some other form of mindfulness such as breathing exercises, to keep you more connected to the here and now.
You matter. So give yourself the time and space you need to process whatever it is that you’re living through at the moment. Keeping busy is all well and good, but it can distract us from what’s really going on and what’s really important. Sometimes, we need to just pause and let life wash over us a little bit.
I plan to block out some time on my calendar to just ‘be’, to pause and take stock of everything that’s happening in my life. I’ll probably listen to music, read, or maybe I’ll just sit and stare into space.
I want to remind you that you don’t need to keep pushing yourself. You don’t need to keep going every minute of every day, so take some time out to show yourself the compassion that you need right now. Even if it’s in your pyjamas. Even if it’s messy and uncomfortable. Stop ‘doing’ and just ‘be’.
If you need more tips on living through change, then my book, ‘Untangled, a practical and inspirational guide to change we choose and change we don’t’ is out in November and you can register here to be one of the first to know when you can pre-order your copy.
