Bi Visibility Day, 23 September
It’s been three months since my first ever Pride (and coming out as bisexual in my professional life), so it feels appropriate to take some time to reflect on that experience, what’s changed for me in that time, and what’s here for me right now.
It was a big deal for me to follow through on the decision to no longer hide my sexuality in professional settings, having done so for over 20 years. I didn’t make the decision lightly, but I was fortunate to have the choice and to be able to control the narrative, which not everyone can.
What prompted me to share more of who I am was recognising the privilege that I have, and the extent to which people who are bisexual can still be largely lost or unseen, even within the LGBT community. I talked about that in some of my posts after coming out in June, where I mentioned some of the stats and why it mattered for me to be transparent. There are still young people who have no positive bisexual role models, whether in organisations or other walks of life. So, I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t contributing to that invisibility: I wanted to allow myself to be seen.
But it’s not easy - in fact it’s terrifying! My fear was that I’d be judged, that people would make assumptions about me and that, ultimately, I’d be at risk. Fortunately, very little of that happened. I don’t feel at risk. In the vast majority of cases I feel safe, seen, accepted and celebrated for who I am. In fact, several of my clients and former clients made efforts to acknowledge what I had done; they recognised that it was a challenging and tough thing to do and told me that they were proud of me.
There have been a few bumpy moments. I had hoped - after my initial post, when I came out officially - that others would say, “me too!”. After a while this did happen, but not to the extent that I had anticipated. I think that speaks to the fact that many people who are bisexual don’t feel comfortable to articulate it in a professional environment. I have also had some inappropriate comments, which I have dealt with accordingly. But on the whole, feedback has been really positive and supportive.
Mostly, I have found it incredibly liberating, in ways I hadn’t imagined. The most ridiculous example is that at the weekend, I wore an inflatable koala outfit to my sister's leaving party (she’s moved to Australia). This really entertained my family, who already know I'm a bit crazy.
It made me think about what made it possible, and I realised that because I am now owning and articulating who I am in my sexuality, I don't feel the need to hide other parts of me. As long as I was hiding being bi, I was also hiding who I am at my core. Because playing safe like that - trying to maintain the status quo and not risk rejection - also meant that I was playing safe, trying to maintain the status quo and not risk rejection in other aspects of my life, in small ways as well as large ways.
It might sound crazy to connect coming out as bi professionally in June with wearing a koala outfit at the weekend, but for me they are linked. Because I am now giving myself full permission to show up as I am. That doesn’t mean I don’t get anxious, or that I’m not still concerned about being accepted, being liked and ultimately being loved - I’m still a human being! It also doesn’t mean I’m planning to dress up as other animals in the near future.
But what it does mean is that I’m now much more willing to take risks and to face that fear, because I know that at my core, the person that I am is lovable and acceptable. And that’s really important for all of us to know.
We’re all loveable and we’re all acceptable, even when we feel like we’re not. And that’s really partly why I made the decision to come out in June this year in my professional world, and to no longer hide who I am; so that other people know that they can do the same. That we can stand in our truth and let other people see us.
I don’t know if I’ll be wearing any koala outfits in the near future. But I will continue to wear my bisexual flag pin on my jacket, and to dispel any myths that I’m straight, as and when they arise.
And as we celebrate bi-visibility, bi-awareness or bi-pride day (depending on what you call it), I wanted to share some of my story, and to say that I’m grateful to myself for making the decision to face the fear and let my true self be seen. I’m also grateful to everyone who acknowledged that and showed their support.
It really mattered. Thank you.
