When change feels imposed: how to navigate difficult times
As we look back on recent events, such as the American election, we remember that change isn’t always chosen—sometimes, it’s imposed. As someone living in the UK (with friends, colleagues and business associates in the US), my perception of these events is, of course, filtered. But regardless of where we are in the world, it’s hard to ignore the ripple effects that decisions have on the lives of so many.
Whilst I was wrestling with my feelings over the last week or so, I went looking for support on how to process them. As it turns out, one of the most helpful places I found guidance is my book, Untangled, particularly a chapter on handling feelings around change. Given that this month marks the first anniversary of Untangled, it feels like the right time to share some of that wisdom again—both for me and for anyone else who is struggling with change that feels outside their control.
The Reality of Imposed Change
When change feels imposed, it can feel as though the ground beneath us is shifting in ways we didn’t anticipate or choose. This can be deeply unsettling, and it’s maybe tempting to resist it or feel powerless. But in those moments, I try to remember that it’s okay to feel uncertain.
In Untangled, I wrote, “There are times when change feels imposed. And there are times when it is imposed. And in both of these, we can often feel powerless and helpless, buffeted on the ocean of our own lives.” That sense of being at the mercy of something larger than ourselves is overwhelming, but it’s important to recognise that there are ways to regain a sense of agency. Even in the most difficult moments, we can take small steps toward regaining control over what we can, whether it’s how we respond or what we choose to focus on.
For me, the key takeaway from this chapter is the importance of control. Stephen Covey, the author of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, distinguishes between what we can control, what we can influence, and what we are simply concerned about. A simple but effective way to visualise this is through circles. Draw three concentric circles, like a target. The innermost circle holds what you can control, the middle represents what you can influence, and the outermost covers things that simply concern you. In times of change, like a job loss or a bereavement, many things fall in the outer circle, beyond our control. But by focusing on the inner circles, we regain some agency: how we react, spend our time or begin new steps forward. Expanding what we can control and influence allows us to genuinely feel and become more grounded, even amid uncertainty.
When Change Feels Impossible
It’s also worth acknowledging that sometimes change feels impossible. You might feel stuck, trapped, or like there’s no way forward. In these moments, it’s vital to remember that you are not alone. This feeling of being stuck is part of the human experience. Everyone has been there at some point.
The key in those moments is to break the change down into small, manageable steps. In fact, I think this may be one of the most powerful ways to regain a sense of agency. As poet David Whyte suggests in his poem Start Close In, begin with the step you don’t want to take.
In Untangled, I wrote, “Break the change down into the smallest steps possible, and start with the first one. Crawl, if you have to. Take it slower than a slow thing on a slow day. But start. Glaciers create huge change. It’s not done at pace. Start slow and trust yourself. You can do this.”
This message of hope feels especially important right now, as we navigate uncertainty. We’re in a period of collective challenge, but if we show up for ourselves and each other, there is always a way forward.
Staying Grounded and Moving Forward
I want to remind you to keep breathing. Take moments to reconnect with your body because your physical being is grounding. Reach out for support when you need it, whether that’s from friends, family, or professionals. You’re never alone in facing change; we can all help each other find our way forward.
So, as we mark Untangled's first birthday, I encourage you to reflect on the change you’re experiencing and remember that even when it feels imposed or impossible, we are capable of navigating it, one step at a time. Trust that the journey doesn’t end here. Together, we’ll find our way through.
